Hello reader! Today I want to talk about my insecurities. Not the shallow ones about my looks or weight, but the deep rooted image and belief I have about myself. My hope is that through my story (and future stories) we can overcome our default negative awareness (DNA) that hinders us from reaching our full potential.
I'll start with some backstory. I have felt, for years now, that I needed to start a podcast and pursue some other passions. The first "prompting" came when my ex-husband and I were doing a virtual bible study. I thought that a podcast was a great idea but my husband didn't really want to do it. Then again around 2014, I think, the idea of a podcast rekindled. I reached out to a few people but nothing ever came from it. I was a part of an online community at one point and the vibe kind of shifted so I decided to exit and desired AGAIN to develop a podcast. I wanted a partner so I reached out to some more people, but nothing at came of that either.
So, I went running today and decided to listen to a podcast. For me, God usually interrupts when I'm listening to someone talk about God with a live conversation with him directly. I call these drop-ins. And it happened during this podcast.
While listening, I thought to myself "it would be nice if someone would finally do a podcast with me." and immediately God chimed in. "Why do you need someone to do it with you?" he asked. And that is when it registered! Why do I need someone to do it with me? When I received the prompting to do a podcast, it never said I needed to find a podcast partner. It said for ME to do it. So what made me so dependent on finding someone to do it with me? That was my insecurity talking!
You see, deep deep down in the most buried part of my thinking I have always believed that I wasn't good enough. Yes, there are reasons and situations in my life that planted that seed but I didn't realize how integrated this thought had become in relation to everything that I do. I always try to solicit the help of a partner when God tells me to do something. And today I realized its because I have no confidence in my ability to be successful.
I simply don't think I'm good enough. I don't think I will do it right. I don't think anyone will be interested. I don't think I am good enough. I want to be clear here; having an adviser, mentor, or even an accountability partner is good. But that was not what I was seeking. I wanted someone to execute the vision with me. Someone to take the lead because I am so comfortable playing second fiddle and not having the weight of responsibility.
And I have plenty of excuses to support my negativity: I'm too young, no experience, need a male perspective, blah, blah, blah. The root of it all is that I have a very negative root thought about myself. But, with one question, God made me aware of the prison I had put myself in. He showed me the chains I had bound myself to that kept me from elevating. And with that same question He loosed me. Why do I need someone else in order to do what God has deposited in me to do? The answer is, I don't.
I don't have to have someone else validate my idea. I don't need someone else to make sure its executed properly. I am good enough already because God is telling me to do it. I knew this logically before, but now I understand and am starting to believe it in my heart.
I wish I could say that I instantly gained an overflow of confidence with the breakthrough, but that is not the case. It will take time to replace the old thought with the new one just like it took time to instill the old way of thinking in the first place. But I can say that I am working on it. I am committed to the change and refuse to go back to doubt as a default.
I ask you to do the same. Assess whether or not you are keeping yourself from progressing and why. Has God given you a passion or vision or talent that you aren't using? You can do it. You can actually do whatever it is that God has deposited in you. It may not happen overnight, but it will happen if you just keep steady. Start today by telling God "yes" and then taking one small step. Then repeat tomorrow. Eventually, all those steps will lead you right into your destiny.
If I have kept your attention up to this point, it is probably because you have resonated with the message of this article. Congratulations on following YOUR prompting which led you to read this post. I want to take this moment to encourage you. You are going to get started. You are lit up with excitement again about what God has been putting on your heart, and you will begin to get things done.
But you may also lose focus again. The journey towards living the life God has set out for us is never-ending. That means don't beat yourself up if you forget how you feel right now in a few months or years. It's ok. You can always come back to this post, or God will drop in again to remind you that you can get back on track. And when that happens, know that the growing and shedding you did along the way were necessary for you to truly be launched in your purpose.
What makes me so confident in my encouragement to you? Because I originally wrote this post October 28, 2015 and it has taken me six years to actually follow through on starting that podcast! So, kings and queens, YOU GOT THIS!